


old friends who've just met

by colazitron



Series: 2020 December Prompts [8]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Coming Out, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:14:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27963623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colazitron/pseuds/colazitron
Summary: When Shane is four years old, they go to spend Christmas with friends of mom and dad’s, all the way in California. Mom and dads’ friends don’t have any kids, only a baby. Shane’s never seen another baby, so it’s a little cool when Linda shows him how to hold him right, but then Ryan cries the moment his mom lets him go, and Shane hastily hands him back.or: childhood friends AU
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Series: 2020 December Prompts [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2036338
Comments: 25
Kudos: 138





	old friends who've just met

**Author's Note:**

> for anon, who wanted "Ryan going home with Shane for Christmas and seeing snow for the first time". That's in here, I promise. Sort of.

When Shane is four years old, they go to spend Christmas with friends of mom and dad’s, all the way in California. Shane’s never been that far away from home, and he’s never had a Christmas that was so warm either. He doesn’t even have to wear a hat or a scarf! And there’s a beach they go to! The water’s too cold to swim in, but it’s still pretty cool. It looks even bigger than Lake Michigan, and Scott calls him a doofus for saying that because, duh, Shane, it’s  _ the ocean _ .

Shane pouts and mom tells Scott to be nice, and it’s still a pretty great day.

Mom and dads’ friends don’t have any kids, only a baby. His name’s Ryan, and he’s only one month old, which means he can’t even talk or crawl, or even lie on his stomach! All he does is sleep and cry and drool on things. Shane’s never seen another baby, so it’s a little cool when Linda shows him how to hold him right, but then Ryan cries the moment his mom lets him go, and Shane hastily hands him back.

When it’s time for bed, Scott complains that they’re only being sent to bed so  _ early _ because Shane’s basically also a baby, just like Ryan, which Shane doesn’t think is particularly fair. When they’re in bed though, sharing one of Linda and Steven’s guest beds, because it’s made for grown-ups and even if Scott is older than him this bed can fit them easily, Scott whispers to him about Santa and how maybe they should try and sneak downstairs after their parents have gone to sleep to try and get to their presents early. They both fall asleep before they can go through with the plan.

It’s a pretty cool Christmas, but the following year, when they stay home and Shane gets to have his friends over on Boxing Day afternoon to play with his new Power Ranger figures, he still likes that better.

The next time he sees Ryan Shane’s seven and Ryan can walk and even talk a little. It’s summer and Linda, Steven, and Ryan have come up to Schaumburg to visit them. Shane thinks it’s a bit of a shame that they didn’t go to California in the summer, because then they could’ve swam in the ocean, but this way he gets to bring Danny along when they go to Lake Michigan, and that’s fun too. Scott keeps rolling his eyes and complaining when mom makes him play with Shane and Danny, but Ryan is only two years old. He’s not exactly Supersoaker battle material.

Not that that stops Ryan from trying. He takes to toddling after Shane wherever he goes, be it at Shane’s house, in the garden, or at the lake. It’s a little annoying, because the grownups don’t seem to mind, but Ryan falls over every time Shane tries to walk away because he can’t keep up. So Shane has to keep turning back and helping him back up again. It’s really not how he wants to be spending his days, if he’s honest.

Scott laughs at him when he tells him. “Now you know what it feels like, squirt,” he says, which isn’t really fair, because Shane’s not a baby anymore. He’s  _ seven _ .

Still, at least Ryan doesn’t drool on everything anymore.

A year later, Linda has another baby. They can’t go visit to say hello to the new baby, but on the Christmas card they get from California that year, Ryan is holding another little boy propped up against his body in between his legs, beaming widely under his Santa hat while the little boy looks up at him and drools on his own sweater. Shane’s a little glad he’s going to miss all the drooling this time around.

It’s funny though that Ryan is going to have a little brother now. Then he’ll be the one having to make sure the baby doesn’t fall over when he’s toddling around after him and such.

When Shane’s twelve, Linda and her family come to stay with them over Christmas. Ryan is, wow, eight now. Shane supposes that means he won’t toddle around after him anymore, but Ryan’s only shy for half an afternoon before he starts talking to Shane about  _ everything. _ The Transformers toys he wants for Christmas, the friends he has in California, the basketball he’s learning to play, the way Jake - that’s his little brother - is  _ so annoying _ when he keeps wanting to play with Ryan’s things too and then breaking them.

Shane bites his tongue against the comment that sits there at the ready and shoots his mom a pleading look. But she only beams at him and turns back to the conversation she’s having with Linda and her husband about, like, taxes or whatever. Scott isn’t even home, so it’s just him and Ryan’s unrelenting chatter.

At least Jake seems content to quietly follow Ryan around and sit with them while playing with his own toys.

It’s only later, when it starts to snow, that Jake grabs the sleeve of Ryan’s sweater and excitedly points at the window.

“Ryan, look!” he practically shouts.

Ryan, cut off half-way in a story about maths class that Shane does not care to hear, huffs at the interruption, but turns to look and immediately seems to forget his irritation.

“Whoa, snow!” he says excitedly and runs over to the window with Jake to press his nose against it.

“What, have you never seen snow?” Shane asks, bemused.

Ryan doesn’t turn around, only shakes his head. “It doesn’t snow back home. I’ve only seen it in movies.”

That’s… somehow pretty sad. Sure, Ryan gets to live closer to the ocean, but Shane wouldn’t trade Lake Michigan for the ocean if it lost him snow.

“Can we go outside?” Ryan turns around to ask Shane, and Shane shrugs helplessly.

“You gotta go ask your mom that,” he says, and Ryan’s off immediately, leaving Jake staring out through the window.

“Mom says yes!” he yells as he barrels back into the living room barely a minute later, and before Shane can even properly relax, his own mom calls out to him from the other room.

“Take the kids outside for a bit, Shane, will you?”

She might have phrased it like a question, but it sure isn’t actually one.

Shane groans, but gets up from the sofa when Ryan and Jake turn their huge, excited eyes on him. He’s going to get these boys into the snow, but he’s also going to put  _ so _ many mini marshmallows in his cocoa later.

Ryan and Jake aren’t dressed nearly warmly enough, it turns out, and once Shane realises that despite his happy shrieks Jake is shivering from head to toe, he grabs them both by the hand and drags them back inside.

“Mom! Where’s the blanket from the couch?!” he yells, helping Jake peel off his layers while Ryan stomps the snow off of his drenched sneakers. Yikes, his socks are soaked.

“It’s on the  _ couch _ ,” mom yells back, but Shane can see into the living room from the entrance way and it very much is  _ not _ on the couch.

“No, it isn’t!” he yells back. “The minis are freezing!”

A chair scrapes further in the house and then mom comes walking out into the hallway. She pauses when she realises the blanket is really not on the couch and turns on the spot a little, like that’ll help her remember.

“Oh, I think I put it in the linen closet upstairs after the last wash,” she finally says. “Silly me. Get them situated, will you?”

Shane turns to do just that, but Ryan’s already grabbing Jake by the hand and pulling him along to the sofa, running to fetch him a large stuffed dog and giving it to Jake to cuddle when his teeth won’t stop chattering.

“Uh, do you want some hot cocoa?” Shane offers, and they both turn their big brown eyes back on him.

“Yes, please,” Ryan says politely, his energy levels finally flagging a little. The snow must have tired them both out.

“Alright, I’ll make some,” Shane says. “Ryan, do you know where your mom packed your and Jake’s clothes? You should both get dry socks on.”

Ryan nods enthusiastically, chest puffing up at the task.

“Ryan, will you read me something?” Jake asks quietly, and Ryan nods at him too and makes him hold onto the stuffed dog with both hands.

“I’m only getting the socks and a book, okay? I’ll be right back.”

Jake nods, and then Ryan flits off, racing up the stairs into the guest bedroom where they’ll all be sleeping. Shane makes sure Jake seems okay by himself and then goes to make hot cocoa, dumping a whole handful of mini marshmallows into his cup. By the time he makes it back into the living room with cups for the two younger boys, Jake is half asleep on Ryan’s shoulder, and Ryan is quietly reading him a story about some bear and orange marmalade. Shane sets the cocoa down on the coffee table and then goes to get his gameboy from his room and settles on one of the armchairs. It just seems kind of rude to leave them by themselves.

The next time he looks up, Ryan’s slow and steady reading has petered out, and when he looks over at the couch they’re both asleep, the book threatening to fall onto the floor out of Ryan’s slack grip. Shane doesn’t want the potential noise to wake them again, so he gets up and gently takes it to set it on the coffee table. It’s then that his mom walks in to check on them, beaming at him proudly as she catches him stuffing the blanket in between the couch cushions so it can’t slip off.

Shane blushes a little and rolls his eyes. “Can I go up to my room?”

“Sure, honey,” his mom says, still with that indulgent smile on his face. “We’ll have dinner around seven, yeah?”

“Thanks, mom,” Shane says and grabs his gameboy, trotting up the stairs and closing the door to his room behind him. Now he can turn the sound of the game back on.

Time passes in a blur of Pokémon battles, until there’s a knock at his door and then, before Shane can even say anything, Ryan peeking around the half-open door.

“Um, your mom says dinner is ready,” he says, a little shyer than earlier, but not too shy to curiously look all around Shane’s room.

“Okay, I’ll be right down,” Shane says.

Ryan doesn’t leave, so Shane shoots him a questioning look, pulling Ryan out of his staring.

“Oh! And, um, thank you for the hot cocoa,” Ryan adds, with the studied air of politeness of someone whose mom told them to say that.

“Sure, squirt, no problem,” Shane says, because his mom also raised him right, and Ryan seems caught between beaming at the sentiment and scowling at the nickname. Shane bites back a grin. Then, without any further comment, Ryan closes the door again and Shane can hear his footsteps thundering down the stairs more loudly than he thinks an eight-year-old ought to be able to be.

In retrospect, he assumes that’s what must have broken down the last of Ryan’s remaining shyness, because the following morning - Christmas Morning - Ryan sneaks into his room at what must be just after the ass crack of dawn, judging by the blueish grey light spilling into his room through the half-closed blinds.

“Shane,” he whispers insistently, shaking at his arm.

Shane jolts awake, almost smacking him in the face in his confusion, and then rubs at his eyes, reaching for the glasses on his nightstand to make sure he’s not imagining things.

“Ryan?” he asks, voice squeaky and croaky with disuse. “What the f--udge are you doing in my room?”

“Come open presents with us,” Ryan says more than he asks.

Shane turns to look at his alarm clock and groans. It’s barely past seven.

“It’s too early,” he says.

But Ryan shakes his head and beams. “There’s already presents. We checked.”

Shane blearily blinks past Ryan to see Jake hovering in the doorway with that large stuffed dog clutched to his chest.

“Well, if you’ve already checked, then you know where to go,” Shane tries. “You can go by yourselves.”

Ryan shifts his weight nervously and pulls his arm back from Shane who’s only now noticing he hadn’t done that earlier.

“But, um…” Ryan mumbles, and Shane remembers that, right. Strange house. Little kids.

He heaves a deep sigh. “Alright, alright. I’ll come with you.”

Ryan beams at him and stumbles a few steps back to stand by Jake in the doorway as Shane climbs out of bed and grabs a hoodie to pull on over his pyjamas, and then a pair of socks for his feet. Man, he hates winter. Speaking of--

“Hey, are you guys wearing socks?”

Ryan nods, beaming proudly. “I can get dressed myself. And I helped Jake.”

“Okay, sure,” Shane says and then shoos them towards the door. “Let’s go, but quietly please. Don’t want to wake up the parents.”

Shane plugs in the lights for the tree, and, fine, maybe it’s a little sweet the way they’re both so impressed with it and the heaps of presents their parents laid out underneath it last night. Especially Jake’s eyes have gone round with awe, one hand clutching his plush dog, the other one clutching his big brother’s hand. Shane can’t remember having held onto Scott’s hand that much.

Ryan moves forward, searching the tags on the presents for one to hand off to Jake and then grabs one to hand to Shane as well before he takes one with his own name on it, and plops down onto the carpet beside Jake. Shane’s still yawning every other minute or so, but, fine, seeing them so excited by their new toys is a little infectious.

At some point Jake wonders aloud how Santa knew they weren’t at home, and Ryan imperiously explains that he mentioned it specifically in his letter, and anyway, Santa’s magic, so he knows everything. If he knows whether you’ve been naughty or nice, then he must know where you  _ are _ . Shane smiles to himself and tries to remember if he still believed in Santa at Ryan’s age. Then Ryan turns around to look at him and winks.

Or tries to wink. It’s more of a very exaggerated blink and squint combination that Shane tries his best not to laugh at. He supposes he can put up with the Bergara kids for another few days. He really only has to see them every few years anyway.

So he tries and probably fails to not get too annoyed when Ryan takes to following him around like he did when he was a little baby, playing Transformers with them and reading to them from their new books when Ryan insists he does better voices. Still, he doesn’t expect Ryan to throw his little arms around him in a crushing hug when it’s time to say goodbye and tearfully tell him he’s going to miss him. He can see their moms definitely cooing over the display of childish affection, and Shane awkwardly pats Ryan on the shoulder.

“Sure, squirt. You too,” he says, because what’s a little white lie if it’ll make the kid feel better? He’s willing to bet he’ll have forgotten all about Shane by the time they’re back in California.

Then they go to California in the summer, not strictly speaking to visit the Bergaras, but since they’re already in the area, they do that too, and Ryan sticks himself to Shane’s side like it’s been no more than a day or two since they saw each other last. Scott laughs at him, but it would feel too mean to tell Ryan to shove off, and, anyway, it’s only one day. Shane can handle a day of babysitting.

That year, in addition to the traditional Bergara Family Christmas Card, there’s an extra card in the envelope just for him. A Pokémon one on which Ryan wishes him a merry christmas and tells him he’s sad he won’t get to have any snow this year, but that he’s going to learn how to ice skate and he’s very excited for it. Scott laughs at him for that too, but mom scolds him for being mean and says it’s very sweet that Shane’s been so nice to Ryan that Ryan feels like he has a friend in him. It can be good, having someone older to look up to. She says that with a pointed look to Scott, who rolls his eyes in return, so Shane grins at him and kicks him under the table. Scott kicks him back, but mom doesn’t notice, and she’s still smiling proudly at Shane, so he counts it as a win.

When Shane is fifteen, it’s starting to grate that a lot of his friends get more of an allowance than he does, so when his mom mentions that a friend down the street is looking for someone to watch her kids every now and then when she and her husband are out for the night, Shane volunteers. He figures it won’t be much harder than herding the Bergara boys, and, sure, he’s only done that a few times and mostly with their parents still around, but if anything goes wrong, he can call mom, right?

It turns out it’s a lot harder to wrangle kids who aren’t as inclined to follow him around like ducklings, but once he figures out the right combinations of cartoons, juice, and doing voices while reading them their favourite books over and over again to bribe them with, it actually goes quite smoothly. And Shane makes himself some extra cash, so that’s pretty sweet.

When the Bergaras come to visit for Christmas that year, Ryan’s a lot more intent on proving how self-reliant he is now at - gasp - eleven years old, and Shane has a lot more practice at half-listening to excited kids chattering at him, so he doesn’t mind that he sort of gets saddled with babysitting for the duration of the visit as much. He supposes it is kind of sweet that Ryan apparently looks up to him, and here and there when Ryan mentions something a friend - or a not-friend - said to him, Shane tries to actually listen and give him advice as best he can. He’s never had a younger brother, or even any younger cousins, but he figures it’s probably something like this.

Only all the time.

So it’s probably for the best that the visit ends after a couple of days, because just because Shane’s gotten more used to babysitting doesn’t mean he doesn’t still find it exhausting.

It becomes a yearly thing then, the Bergara Christmas visit, and it’s kind of funny to see Ryan go from a spunky eleven-year-old to a slightly spunkier-twelve-year old and then suddenly trip face first into the awkwardness of puberty. Shane remembers the way that felt, how your body suddenly feels foreign because it starts feeling like anything at all, rather than just being  _ there _ . Jake’s turned out far chiller than Ryan is, more content to sit and play by himself, but Ryan gets restless when there’s nothing to do, so Shane takes pity on him and takes him ice skating one afternoon.

There’s no hug when Ryan leaves that time, but there’s an awkward shuffle like Ryan maybe wants to give him a hug, so Shane holds out his fist for him to bump and ruffles his hair.

“Hang in there, Bergmeister,” he teases, laughing when it makes Ryan flush and scowl at him.

“See you next year, sasquatch,” Ryan gets out a few seconds too late to really be a comeback, but Shane laughs obligingly anyway, and sends him on his way.

The following year Ryan frets about high school, even though it’s still half a year away, and Shane tries to not let on how much he’s fretting about college as he talks Ryan through all his worries and shares a few of his own experiences to maybe chill him out. Ryan seems particularly grateful that year, making sure Jake and he don’t bother Shane when he claims to need to study or have a headache, even though he’s mostly just reading comics and listening to music on his discman in his room. Shane gives him his email address at the end of the visit and tells him to write if he needs someone to talk to and feels a little weird about how surprised Ryan looks by the offer. He’s constantly talking about all the friends he has back home, all the same boys he’s been talking about since he’s been able to talk, so surely he’s not lacking for people to talk to?

Anway, he fails to get back to Ryan in a timely manner almost every single time Ryan does actually write, because senior year turns out to kick his ass a little more than he’d expected. And then he’s in college and forgets to check that email address at all until mom calls to tell him they’re going to California for Christmas this year. Luckily, Ryan doesn’t seem to hold a grudge for the radio silence, because that would have been awkward, and Shane knows how moody teenagers can be. (Yes, yes, he’s technically still a teenager himself.) He even meets a cute brunette to flirt with a little when they go to the beach on Boxing Day, so all in all it’s a pretty great Christmas vacation.

Until the day before they leave, when Ryan sees him sneak out of the house and down the driveway for a secret smoke, and follows him out. It’s not that Shane thinks Ryan’s going to rat him out, because Ryan promises he won’t, it’s that Ryan’s being odd and cagey and Shane’s not really in the mood to try and tease whatever it is that’s bothering him out of him.

So he takes his last drag of the cigarette and then stomps it out on the curb before kicking it down into the street.

“I can’t help you if you don’t let me know what’s going on, Ryan,” he says, and for sure the very last thing he expects is for Ryan to look up at him and then grab him by his sweater and press their mouths together, fumbling and clumsy.

Shane pulls back immediately, pushing Ryan away by the shoulders as gently as he can manage, eyes wide with shock as he stares at him.

Ryan’s blushing something fierce.

“What the hell?” Shane asks.

Ryan’s shoulders come up to somewhere around his ears and he takes a step back out of Shane’s grip.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-- it was just a joke,” Ryan tries to play it off, but it’s obvious in the way he’s practically folding in on himself that it really wasn’t.

“Sorry,” Ryan says again, shrinking by the minute, and taking another step back. “I’ll go back inside, I’ll--”

“Wait, hang on,” Shane says and grabs him by the wrist to stop him from leaving.

Ryan freezes, but doesn’t look back up from where he’s staring determinately at the pavement.

“You know it’s okay if you want to kiss boys, right?” Shane says quietly, and Ryan somehow manages to tense up even more. “That’s not why… It’s just that… Ryan, I’m five years older than you.”

“Four and a half,” Ryan mumbles, but judging by the look on his face he realises he just proved Shane’s point himself.

“Look, it’s all good, okay? I’m not mad at you, and I’m also not going to tell anyone. And if you need someone to talk to about… this, you can totally email me,” Shane says, wincing a little when he remembers the five unread emails he’d found just after mom had reminded him of the Bergaras’ existence and that he’d made that promise a year ago too. “Just… try to stick to boys your own age, alright? Or at least boys in high school.”

“I like girls too,” Ryan says, but he’s still not looking up from the pavement.

“Okay. Cool. Girls are pretty great,” Shane says, trying to lighten the mood. “Thanks for telling me. I don’t know if you want to adopt the direct approach for everyone, but--”

Ryan huffs an annoyed noise, and Shane snaps his mouth shut. Too soon for jokes, okay. Got it.

“Can I go now?” Ryan asks, reminding Shane that he’s still holding on to his wrist.

“Yeah, of course,” Shane says, letting go immediately. “Sorry. Just… you’ll be alright. It’ll pass.”

Ryan does look up at him then, an expression like he thinks Shane’s a giant idiot on his face. Shane feels like a pretty big idiot, so that’s fair, but he’s never really had to do this before, and he just feels… bad. He didn’t expect to add breaking Ryan’s heart a little to the list of things he did this Christmas.

“Yeah, I know,” Ryan says, and then turns and walks back into the house.

Needless to say, the rest of the stay is a little awkward.

Ryan doesn’t actually email him again until that summer, when he writes to say he told his best friends about being bi and that it went well. Shane sends back his congratulations and thinks of Kyle in his study group and the way he may be more in Ryan’s boat than he ever thought. Kind of ironic, that.

He doesn’t see Ryan at Christmas this year because he’s in Kansas with his girlfriend and her family, and he doesn’t see him the year after that because there is no Christmas visit. Now that Shane and Scott are both mostly moved out, their parents aren’t bound by school holidays anymore to pick their vacation times, and they’re taking full advantage of being able to go travel during the off season.

The emails peter out. The older he gets, the less Ryan writes, and Shane never really has anything of his own to share either. He makes new friends at college eventually and keeps some of his friends from high school and life goes on. Scott finishes his degree and moves to LA. Shane switches schools, and girlfriends, though not on purpose. Then he graduates and eventually follows Scott to LA, also not on purpose.

It’s when he calls home to say there’s no way he’ll be able to afford to come home for Thanksgiving  _ and _ Christmas, that the Bergaras come up again in his life for the first time in years.

“Oh, you should call up Linda!” mom suggests, and it takes Shane a moment to place the name. “They always have a bunch of people over since it’s usually also around Ryan’s birthday. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind having you two.”

“Uh, that’s okay, mom,” Shane says, because very few things sound less awkward than going over for Thanksgiving dinner with his parents’ friends who he hasn’t seen in a few years. Especially given that the last time he had, their teenage son had kissed him.

Mom tuts. “I just don’t want you and Scott to be all by yourselves over the holidays.”

“It’s just Thanksgiving, mom,” Shane tries to assuage her worries. “We’ll come home for Christmas.”

That, he thinks, is that, but two days later he gets a call from Linda Bergara to tell him he’s so very welcome at their Thanksgiving dinner, and a text from Scott telling him he’s been invited too. In the end, they go, because neither of them can think of a good enough excuse to give for not going. They buy a nice bottle of wine for Linda and Steven, and some chocolate for Ryan, because what are you supposed to get someone you don’t even really know?

“Oh, my, you’ve both grown up, haven’t you?” Linda laughs as she greets them by the door and ushers them inside. It’s definitely true, though Shane thinks at least half of it is that Linda is a tiny woman and she’s probably not remembering them the way they were when she last saw them, but some nebulous childhood time before that.

“Thanks for having us,” Scott says politely and hands over the wine.

“Is there anything we can do to help?” Shane asks right after, because if there’s one thing he knows about Thanksgiving it’s that there’s always something to do. But Linda only takes the wine and waves them off.

“No, no, it’s all under control. Jake’s helping in the kitchen and Ryan and his boyfriend are setting the table, so you can just go on through to the living room and join Steven.”

“Alright, thanks,” Scott says, and makes his way through the house towards where Linda gestured for them to go, Shane practically stuck to his heels.

“Didn’t know the littlest Bergara swung that way,” Scott says quietly, and Shane thinks he can hear a little bit of relief in his tone as well.

He grins.

“Ryan’s the older one, idiot,” he corrects. “And he’s bi.”

Scott raises an eyebrow at him. “You knew?”

“Yeah,” Shane shrugs. “He told me. Uh, a while ago.”

“Oh, back when he was following you around like a lost duckling? Adorable.”

Trust Scott to not be able to keep their names straight but to remember that.

Steven and some others are watching some football game Shane doesn’t care about but Scott does, so Shane sits with them quietly while they get into discussing things that honestly completely go over his head. He briefly contemplates going to see if Linda and Jake really don’t need any help in the kitchen, but he doesn’t want to awkwardly hover and get in the way either. So he stays put, politely demuring that he really doesn’t know the first thing about any kind of sportsball when Steven tries to include him in the conversation, until Linda comes to fetch them.

Ryan’s boyfriend’s name is Bobby and they met in one of the gen ed classes they had to take. Bobby’s major is chemistry, but Ryan’s going for a film degree, and Shane immediately feels himself perk up. They fall into a conversation about the various classes they’ve both taken more easily than Shane thought he would talk to anyone tonight, and by the time dinner’s over they’ve definitely been a little obnoxious about at least one or two film references only they seem to get. When Ryan and Bobby get up to carry all the dishes back into the kitchen, Shane volunteers to help and then detours to fetch Ryan’s chocolate.

“Dude, you didn’t have to get me anything,” Ryan says, but he takes the chocolate anyway, smiling but obviously genuinely surprised.

Shane shrugs. “Seemed rude to not acknowledge your birthday. You’re, what, 21 now?”

“Saturday, yeah,” Ryan says.

“Well, remember to hydrate,”Shane drawls, and Ryan laughs and gives him a jaunty salute.

Bobby grins at him too, and with a wink Shane leaves them to it, since they were clearly angling for some time alone for just a few minutes.

It’s still a little awkward to hang around their parents’ friends’ house, but Shane ends up having a better time than he thought he would, and from the way Scott has relaxed into his chair as he’s chatting to Steven and Jake, so does he. He can’t quite believe the Ryan casually flirting with his boyfriend at the dinner table is the same Ryan who awkwardly stammered out an excuse for trying to kiss Shane, but he supposes that’s what happens when you don’t see someone for six years. They change.

In Scott’s car later, on the way home, Shane stares out the window and thinks about all the other things that can and have changed in the last six years. And when Scott stops in front of his apartment complex, he pauses with his hand already on the handle of the door.

“Hey, Scott?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I’m probably bi too.”

Scott snorts a laugh, but the look he gives him is gentle. “You figure that out tonight?”

“No, not really,” Shane says with a shrug. “Just figured I should probably, like, say it out loud.”

Scott reaches over and claps a warm hand on his shoulder. “How does it feel?”

Shane turns his attention inwards for a moment, past his quickened heartbeat and the curl of nerves warming his belly.

“Pretty good,” he says.

Scott grins and gives his shoulder a little squeeze and a shake.

“Proud of you, minisquatch,” he says. “Welcome to the club.”

Shane rolls his eyes at the nickname, but can’t help the grin that pulls at his lips.

“Yeah, whatever,” he says. “Thanks for the ride.”

“Anytime,” Scott says and nods at him in greeting when Shane finally does slip out the door. It’s dark and cold enough that Shane’s glad for his denim jacket, but, yeah. Change is good.

The following year Shane finally gets a full time position, and the year after that, he begins to resent it. He never thought he’d get to be a bigshot director or anything, but the corporate drivel he’s been doing is slowly but surely making him feel like he’s going insane. He hears through his parents that Ryan Bergara bounces from internship to internship for a while and then lands his own steady gig and wonders if he’s having any more fun with his than Shane is.

A year of dithering later, another late night of looking around for anything else he could be doing lands him on the BuzzFeed fellowship program, and Shane applies then and there on a whim. He really doesn’t think he’s going to get it - too old, too boring, too not what they’re probably looking for - and after his interview he’s almost certain he won’t. But against all odds, he does. And on his first day, at the end of the tour, he’s led to the intern section of the large bullpen, and has to bite back a laugh.

He reaches out to kick Ryan’s chair reflexively, only realising when Ryan jerks in surprise before he takes off his headphones to look, that that was probably incredibly rude. Ryan stares, clearly surprised, and then grins up at him.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the elusive Illinois Sasquatch,” he says. “What are you doing here?”

“First day,” Shane says with a shrug.

The guy who’d been showing him around - Keith? - looks between them. “You know each other?”

“Kind of,” Ryan says.

Keith claps his hands together and grins widely. “Perfect. Ryan, show Shane to a desk and tell him everything he needs to know. I’ve got to go see a Fulmer about a thing.”

“Uh, sure,” Ryan says.

Keith grins and claps one large hand on Ryan’s shoulder, and then leaves them standing there.

“So, what do I need to know?” Shane asks.

Ryan laughs and turns to his computer to save whatever it is he’s working on before turning back to Shane. “IT department first. Keith always forgets people need access before they can do any work.”

Shane grins, and when Ryan gestures towards the elevators they just came from, he falls into step with him easily.

Now that they see each other practically every day, becoming friends - real friends this time - comes easily to them. Ryan’s 23 now, almost 24, and for the first time it really feels like Shane and he are on equal footing. Maybe Ryan’s even overtaken him a little, given that he got here a lot sooner than Shane did, but then there are things that Shane’s learned from his years of doing other work that Ryan hasn’t yet.

Turns out, they work well together. It’s easy to turn to each other when they need help on a video, and it’s a downright blast to do Test Friends with Jen and Maycie. He sees the Bergaras semi-regularly, and coming over for Thanksgiving dinner and Ryan’s birthday doesn’t feel awkward at all anymore. At some point, without Shane really taking much notice of it, that little pipsqueak toddling after him on the beach one day had turned into an adult, and into Shane’s best friend. Odd, how life goes sometimes.

One night many months later, they find themselves in Kansas on the living room floor of an empty house Ryan thinks a demon lives in, and Shane has spent the last few hours laughing at Ryan’s increasing distress. They’ve had the are-they-aren’t-they-real discussion about ghosts many a time before, so Shane knew, technically, that Ryan believes in all this crap. But he still never thought it would be like this.

And then Ryan gets in his sleeping bag and says, “I’m getting closer to you, I don’t care,” and scoots over.

“Okay,” Shane says and laughs again, because he’s never seen Ryan this on edge and somehow still delighted by it, and thinks there isn’t a closer that Ryan could get that he wouldn’t welcome.

Which.

Hm.

That’s… a thing. It’s a thing that keeps Shane up more than Ryan’s nerves and babbling do, and eventually, when Ryan decides he wants to leave even though the night’s not completely over yet, Shane decides it’s simply a thing he’ll have to put aside. They’re friends now, real friends, and this Unsolved thing may or may not end up impacting their careers. Either way, there’s more to jeopardy now than when Ryan was 15 and confused, and Shane isn’t going to gamble with what they have now. They’ve muddled through one crush, they can muddle through another.

Even if it’s not really the same thing at all.

Irony, thy name is Shane, apparently.

In the end, it’s Ryan again who breaks the detente Shane didn’t even think he knew they were in. Shane’s dated on and off over the last few years, but nothing ever really stuck with Ryan right there day in and out and the way Shane tends to fall for people hard. Ryan’s been in a steady relationship for most of that time, and though Shane would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little jealous occasionally, when he was drunk at three am and feeling particularly lonely, seeing Ryan so heartbroken when it ended had definitely been worse.

In contrast, it’s been good seeing him find back to himself over the last few months, returning to his old self, only better somehow. It’s impressed Shane for years, the way Ryan seemed to constantly be challenging himself to grow, pushing through experiences to find the lesson on the other side and coming out a more amazing person every time.

So when Ryan calls Shane up on a sunny Sunday morning to ask if he wants to go for a spontaneous trip to Disneyland, Shane only barely manages to reign in his enthusiasm in agreeing. They meet up there, and Ryan insists on treating Shane to his ticket, since he has an annual pass and, in his own words, ‘dragged Shane’s bigfoot ass out here’. Shane wonders if that means there’s another shoe about to drop, but Ryan only beams at him and starts dragging him around the park.

They have a good day.

Ryan treats Shane to dole whip and tries to treat him to lunch, but lets Shane pay for that instead when he insists. And the whole while there’s not a hint of any bad news Ryan might have to share. It’s like he’s just in a good mood and wanted the company. So Shane lets himself relax, and follows Ryan around, soaking up his laughter as much as the sunshine. They decide to stay for the fireworks, and Ryan pays for their dinner since Shane covered lunch. It’s a  _ really _ good day, and it’s almost agonisingly close to the kind of date Shane could see them on if he thought that’s something they could ever do. But since he doesn’t, he’s determined to be content as he is.

“Hey, I had a really good day today,” he says when they leave, knocking his elbow into Ryan’s side.

Ryan beams up at him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Shane grins back. “Thanks for the invite, Bergmeister.”

Ryan huffs a toneless laugh and then turns his gaze forward, suddenly going quiet and contemplative.

“I did actually have an ulterior motive,” he confesses.

Shane feels his good mood drain away immediately, looking at him closely. “Oh?”

Ryan hums and leads Shane over to some trees so they’re not standing in the middle of the street. He shoves his hands in his pockets and sighs, looking everywhere for a few moments except at Shane.

“Hey, whatever it is, you know you can tell me, right?” Shane says.

Ryan nods and sighs again, and then huffs another one of those half-laughs. He looks fond, and a little exasperated when he finally does look at Shane again.

“I know it’s just… I feel so ridiculous doing this again.”

Again?

“Turns out that I really like you, big guy. And I was kind of hoping that maybe this could be our first date, if you… if you’re interested.”

It sort of pulls the rug out from underneath Shane’s feet, the way Ryan’s staring at him with that hopeful, yet guarded expression. He’s always been a little less risk-averse than Shane, always a little more willing to run into the world with his heart and arms wide open, practically daring it to do its worst - and best.

Shane really hopes this one turns out to be the latter.

“I… yeah, I’m interested,” he says, feeling his cheeks flush with heat when Ryan’s expression turns surprised, then pleased, then teasing.

“You sure?” he asks. “I am five years younger than you, you know?”

Shane laughs.

“Four and a half, you little shit,” he says, and then reaches out to grab Ryan by the waist and pull him into a kiss. Ryan comes easily, arms wrapping around Shane’s neck, lips soft and ready when they collide.

It’s a good kiss, a steady kiss. Sweet and unhurried, and a good preview for what’s to come when Ryan gets a little mean and nips at Shane’s lips, slipping him some tongue before pulling away to let Shane chase him.

“We’re at Disneyland,” he admonishes Shane when he tries to pull Ryan in again. Shane can see the way he’s practically glowing with mirth. “Got to keep it PG.”

“Does that mean you want me to take you to a strip club for our second date?” Shane teases right back, watching Ryan lean back in his arms and laugh.

“It means I want you to take me somewhere more private, idiot.”

That, Shane can do.

“Luckily I don’t have any roommates,” he says.

Ryan grins, joyful and wicked and everything Shane’s ever wanted.

“Very lucky indeed,” he says and leans in to peck Shane on the lips again. “Race you.”

Ryan takes off immediately, cheater that he is, but Shane catches up easily, laughing when Ryan curses at him and complains about his longer legs. It makes him feel silly and alive, running through the Disneyland parking lot, dodging families and groups of teenagers and other couples. He knows they can’t keep this pace up all the way to their cars, and he’s definitely not racing Ryan through LA traffic, but in the end it doesn’t really matter who gets there first, so long as they end up in the same place.

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me a prompt [over on tumblr](http://fille-lioncelle.tumblr.com/ask) if you want!


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